


Freedom to Be

by EHyde



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: F/F, Original Dragon Warriors - Freeform, female!Abi, female!Shuten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6844627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EHyde/pseuds/EHyde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shuten has lived as a man since childhood. She had to–it was the only way to be strong, the only way to survive. Then she meets Abi, a sheltered noblewoman who was also, inexplicably, given the power of a dragon warrior, and her whole world changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom to Be

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by MurkyMuse's AU where Abi is a woman--if you haven't read her fic, I highly recommend it!

The last thing Shuten’s mother ever did for her was cut her hair. “You’re a boy now, you understand? You have to be a boy.”

“Why?”

Mother was crying. “If you’re a boy, you’ll—the soldiers won’t—you can be useful. You have to make yourself useful. Then they won’t—”

“What about you?”

Mother didn’t answer. Just one final snip of the shears. Shuten looked down, staring at the scraps of dark hair, the single long plait. “You can’t let anyone know,” Mother insisted. “Don’t worry about me. You have to survive.” Now Shuten was crying, too. “Don’t cry,” Mother said. “You can’t let them find out.”

They didn’t find out. The soldiers were happy to take on a healthy, strong boy who’d do what they said without question.

Shuten never learned what happened to her mother.

Eventually, she learned to fight. A boy who couldn’t fight wasn’t useful, after all. Someday, she’d be strong enough to survive without having to be useful to anyone—someday, she’d be strong enough it would be all right to survive for herself (Mother was right, though. Only a boy could be that strong).

Being a boy—eventually a man—wasn’t bad. Life was more interesting for men than for women. It wasn’t who she was, but—fighting for the soldiers who took her from her home wasn’t who she was, either. It was a matter of pride that she’d deceived them for so long—that they didn’t own all of her. As long as she held on to that, being a man was—it was fine.

Still, she never cut her hair again.

When the dragon god offered her his power—Shuten hardly needed the extra motivation to betray the men she fought with, the men who’d been paid to ambush Hiryuu’s forces. She couldn’t imagine the sort of loyalty that had led Ryokuryuu to openly share such power—and then she _could_ , and it was _terrifying_ —but such strength! Such freedom! Maybe this was who she really was. Hiryuu looked at her and saw a man, but it was fine. Ryokuryuu had chosen her for her strength, after all—she had fooled even a god, and it was fine.

And then she met Seiryuu’s chosen. Not just a girl but a _lady_ , and suddenly it wasn’t fine, it wasn’t fine at all.

* * *

Shuten couldn’t stand her. Abi was everything weak, everything Shuten had chosen to deny ( _been forced to deny_ , a part of her wanted to say, but no, she _had_ made that choice … right?). And yet the dragon god had still chosen her. Why? Abi hardly deserved her powers—fainting every time she used them, just like you’d expect from a girl who never learned how to be strong. And having a lady in their number was just _distracting_ , after all. Men who were supposed to be their allies, men who were supposed to be their _enemies_ , would just—they’d _flirt_ with her (Shuten didn’t really blame them, though. Abi was incredibly beautiful. Why did she have to be so beautiful, on top of everything else?) Shuten teased her about that—didn’t let her hear the end of it—but inwardly she promised herself that if any of these men ever tried to hurt Abi—

It never got that far, of course. Any time Abi was bothered—which was frequently, as Abi had a short temper (at least she wasn’t like those simpering court ladies)—she’d just shoot them a glare with her dragon eyes and they’d back off. Because that was the thing, Shuten gradually realized. Abi _wasn’t_ weak. The soldiers all respected her, sometimes even feared her. Hiryuu treated her just like the rest of his dragons (though Hiryuu was a divine idiot who probably didn’t understand the differences between men and women anyway). And Guen and Zeno—well, maybe they treated a sister differently than a brother, but they _did_ still see her as a sister. It all led to a question. _If they knew the truth about me, would they—?_

A pointless question. This was who Shuten was now, who she’d been ever since Mother—and anyway, if she was going to tell Hiryuu and the other dragons, she’d waited too long. All Guen’s talk about brotherhood was pure idiocy, of course, but at this point—if she told them—well, she just didn’t want to lose the bond they had. It was convenience, that was all. Starting over as someone else, that would be a pain, especially with people as infuriating as these dragons, especially when what she had now was better than she’d ever expected things to be. That Abi could have all that and more—Shuten wasn’t _jealous_. Shuten didn’t _want_ to deal with all those annoyances that came with being a girl. It was just— _no. It’s a pointless question._

* * *

“The army’s not there.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Abi said, exasperatedly, “they left.”

“That rebel lord got scared and ran, huh?” It had been four years since they’d been given their powers, and—as much as Shuten hated to admit it—they made a good team. Abi was still terrible in close combat—though she was getting better—but the idea of any enemies getting _close_ to Abi was laughable. And she wasn’t bad when it came to strategy. “Well, that’s it for here, then. Let’s go.” Hiryuu wasn’t with them today; neither was his army—infiltration, not brute force, was required in this case.

“Hold on,” said Zeno. “Didn’t the reports say he had hostages?”

Right, that was the reason why brute force was to be avoided.

Abi gazed back at the fortress, then paused. “Hakuryuu, Ouryuu, go follow the trail the men left. I’m sure it will be obvious. Ryokuryuu and I will take care of the hostages.”

“Huh…?” Well, forget about being good at strategy. “If it’s rescuing hostages, shouldn’t you take Ouryuu? I mean, he’s—” He was the one who was _actually_ useless when it came to fighting. But comforting prisoners, that was a thing Zeno could do, right?

“I need Ryokuryuu for this,” said Abi. She paused. “So we can catch up to you quickly.” Guen gave a nod, and that was that.

“What’s the deal, really?” Shuten asked, as she carried Abi towards the fortress—if the soldiers were gone, there was no further need for stealth, after all.

“Land, please,” said Abi, curtly.

“What?”

“I can’t explain while I’m getting motion-sick from all your jumping, so land, please!”

“I’m not making you motion-sick!” Still, she shifted, coming down for an earlier landing than planned. She could do things like that almost by instinct now. “You were the one talking about doing things quickly,” she grumbled.

“Right,” said Abi. “And you already surmised that wasn’t the real reason I wanted you with me.”

“Well? Then what is it?”

“Ryokuryuu, those hostages …” She took a deep breath. “Call me sheltered all you want, but even I know that the last person they’ll trust right now is another man.”

Shuten gaped at her. Then— “You knew.” She paused. “How long?”

“Since the beginning,” said Abi. “But it seemed to be none of my business.”

“That’s right, it’s not! You know, it’s a good thing you waited till we were on the ground to say something like that, or I’d have dropped you!” Abi just looked back at her. Of course. That was why she’d told her to land in the first place. “ _How_ did you know? Don’t you _dare_ say it’s feminine intuition; I know that’s bullshit.”

Abi just rolled her eyes. Right. Her eyes. “Look,” she said. “It’s not like I was _trying_ to look under anyone’s clothing, it was just … a little difficult not to, at the beginning.”

“Pervert,” said Shuten, but her heart wasn’t really in the insult, not with—

“Anyway, I didn’t _know,_ ” said Abi. “It’s not like there aren’t men who bind their breasts.”

“No, I’m—” Shuten took a deep breath. “I’m a woman.” She’d never been a woman. She’d been a girl, once, but never a woman.

“I won’t bring it up again,” said Abi. “And I won’t tell another soul. But I _do_ think, that for _right now …_ ”

Shuten knew what groups of mercenaries did to female hostages. _It’s their own fault,_ she’d told herself for far too long. _They could have chosen to be stronger._ But it didn’t work like that. She knew that. Mother had given Shuten a chance to become strong, at the cost of—what, exactly, she still didn’t know. But Mother couldn’t save herself. And Hiryuu dreamt of an impossible world where it didn’t have to be that way, and that was the thing—fighting by his side for four years now, Shuten had come to hope—to believe in that dream, too. “Seiryuu, are you forgetting that not everyone has your eyes? _You_ can look at me and see a woman, but it’s not like they will.”

“They will if you let them.”

“You’re the dragon warrior they need right now. Not me.”

Abi tilted her head. “That may be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” she said. “But as always, you’re an idiot. Come on.”

* * *

As promised, Abi didn’t breathe a word of Shuten’s secret to the others. And now Shuten had a decision to make. A decision that was getting harder and harder to avoid … well, decisions were hard. Sitting atop the palace roof with a bottle of wine, on the other hand, was easy. Maybe it didn’t make a difference if Abi knew. Maybe things would be the same as before.

A clatter of tiles from the level below. Shuten looked down and saw Abi struggling to make her way towards him, and sighed. “Stay there,” she said. “I’ll come get you.”

“You’re easy to find, but hard to reach,” said Abi, as Shuten leapt down to where she stood.

“That was _supposed_ to be the point.”

“Figured.”

“So?” Shuten demanded. “What’s this about? Why scrape your knees chasing after me?”

“I just—we never finished talking about—”

“So? You _said_ you wouldn’t bring it up again.”

Abi nodded. “That’s right,” she said. “So I apologize. But look, you’re clearly running away from _something—_ ”

“Yeah, you!”

“Me, specifically.”

“You’re _impossible_.” Abi rolled her eyes. “No, no, that’s not an insult.” Maybe she’d had too much to drink. “It’s a fact. You’re the scariest—everyone thinks it—but you’re still so _soft_ and that … shouldn’t be possible.”

Abi paused, gazing at Shuten with those golden eyes that were anything but soft. “I was jealous of you at first,” she said, eventually. “Of how people only saw a warrior when they looked at you. The things I’ve had to put up with, that the rest of you can ignore …”

Shuten snorted. “All those fools who wanted to marry you—”

“You always did discourage their courtship the most,” said Abi. “I think Hakuryuu actually hoped I’d find a young lord I liked.”

“Hah! They weren’t worth your time, not one of them. Anyway, I didn’t do half as much to drive them off as you did.”

“Did you really never wonder why I showed no interest?”

“They weren’t worth your time,” Shuten repeated. But—that wasn’t true. Some of them, she remembered, had been perfectly respectable, handsome men. Abi was still gazing up at her, and Shuten didn’t _think_ she was paralyzed, but she couldn’t … “Oh, _please_ don’t say you want us to be sisters and gossip over men now!” She forced herself to look away. If this was what would come of being openly a woman, she’d have none of it.

“You _idiot,_ ” said Abi. Then she reached up, taking Shuten by the shoulders with far more strength than Shuten was prepared for, forcing Shuten to look into her eyes again. And this definitely wasn’t paralysis, because Shuten found herself bending down into the kiss just as much as Abi was reaching up, and—she pulled away just before their lips touched.

“What the hell, Abi?” Shuten’s heart felt as far from frozen as it had ever been.

“ _Sisters,_ ” said Abi, “are the last thing I want us to be.” She took Shuten’s hands in her own, a lighter touch this time. Oh. _Oh._ “Did I make a mistake?”

“I—I don’t know. You can’t just spring things on a man like that!” On a woman.

Abi actually giggled, and it was _cute,_ dammit. “You called me by my name,” she said. “Maybe that’s enough, for a while. Calling each other by name.”

“Abi,” Shuten repeated, feeling the sound of her name on her lips. “Abi-chan.”

“Don’t—”

She leaned forward, dropping Abi’s hands and giving her a little peck on the cheek. Not the kiss Abi had wanted—not even a promise of things to come—but something. “You’re the one who asked for it, Abi-chan.” She leapt away before Abi could retaliate.

“Shuten!” And—hearing Abi call out at her in frustration like she had so many times before, but this time, using her name—yeah. Shuten could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm [fallenwithstyle](http://fallenwithstyle.tumblr.com) on tumblr if you'd like to come say hi.


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